"[I]n vain I strove to conquer a Passion that had mingled with my Soul, and reigned in every Vein"

— Aubin, Penelope (1679?-1731?)

Place of Publication
Printed for J. Darby, A. Bettesworth, F. Fayram, J. Pemberton, C. Rivington, J. Hooke, F. Clay, J. Batley, and E. Symon
"[I]n vain I strove to conquer a Passion that had mingled with my Soul, and reigned in every Vein"
Metaphor in Context
I need not tell you, Madam, said he, who I am, since I have the Honour to be so nearly related to you; but as to what is of the greatest Concern to me, you are yet a Stranger; which is my Love to a young Lady to whom I have been engaged ever since I was a Student in the College at Dublin. Her Name you are well acquainted with, she was the Daughter of Sir William--; I used to visit at her Father's, and her Brother and I contracted so great a Friendship, that we were scarce ever asunder, till the fatal Day when we were parted in the Battle, where I saw him fall wounded from his Horse, and by a glorious Death crown the Actions of a well-spent Life, whose Loss I shall ever mourn. I courted the fair Henrietta by his Consent, and was so happy as to gain her Love: My elder Brother was then living, as you know; and her Father, who could give her a great Fortune, at that Time was kept a Stranger to our Love, for fear he should not approve of it. We had all the Opportunities of seeing each other that we could desire, by my generous Friend's Means; and at last made the most sacred Promises to be only one another's. But the dreadful Hour of our Separation was at hand, when we least expected it. I was sent to travel, and she was carried over to England, to see the Splendor of the English Court and Nation. She went thither before I went to France, but I want Words and Strength to express what we felt at parting, and in what a moving manner we took Leave of one another: We made a thousand Vows and Protestations to be constant. In less than two Years after I was recalled by the Death of my elder Brother; the Letters found me in Italy, where I had received several Letters from my dear Mistress, who was returned fromEngland . I posted home, big with Expectation of possessing both her, and a great Estate: But alas! I came too late; the unfortunate Henrietta had broken all her Vows, and been prevailed on by her Father to marry an old wealthy Knight, who was turned of threescore: His vast Estate prevailed, and he consented to take her with half the Portion that her Father proposed to give her with another; so that her younger Sister obtained a more noble Match by this Augmentation of her Fortune. The jealous Knight soon leftDublin with this rich Prize, and carried her down to his Castle in this Province, where he kept her immured from almost all Company, suffering her to take no Diversions, but what his own Gardens, and his wretched self could afford her. They soon became very miserable, for she grew to hate and loath him, and beheld him rather as her Goaler than her Husband; and she treated him so coldly, that he became jealous of every Man that approached her, even of his own Domesticks; and grew so enraged, because she did not prove with Child, that he would not suffer her out of his Sight. Grief and Vexation threw her into a languishing Distemper, which made it feared that a Consumption would follow, and put an End to this Tragedy, As soon as I came ashore atDublin, I asked after my dear Henrietta, and was informed of all these Particulars: I need not tell you each Word wounded my Soul, and was like a Poniard to my Heart. I could neither sleep by Night, or taste of any Pleasures by Day: Sometimes I detested her Falshood, and resolved to forget her; but alas! in vain I strove to conquer a Passion that had mingled with my Soul, and reigned in every Vein: I loved her as much as ever, and Pity blew the raging Flame: I could not live without a Sight of her, yet knew not how to get an Opportunity to send or speak to her. I dispatched my Affairs with all the Speed imaginable, and after having taken Possession of my Estate, I pretended to make a Voyage to England; and having taken Leave of my Friends, I left Dublin, and my Home, with only two Servants; and having sent Disguises for us to an Inn about twenty Miles onward of the Way towards my fair one's Castle, I mounted on Horseback with my Servants, and went to the Inn, where we lay that Night; and the next Morning, having put on our Disguises, which were the Habits of Peasants, we were so dressed, that no Person could have guessed us to be any other: Our clouted Shoes, coarse Coats, Leather Doublets and Breeches, old Hats, false Hair, and coarse Linen, made us look like the veriest Country Louts that ever Man beheld. Thus accoutred, having in the Portmanteaus behind my Servants put what Habits I should have Occasion for, and Money, being all well armed, we proceeded on our Journey, and reached Dundalk, without any Accident; there I left our Horses and Portmanteaus, and thence we went and lodged at a Village within a Mile of the Castle. It was dusk when we entered this Place, and I writ a Letter to this Effect to my dear Henrietta, and sent one of my Servants with it: I told her that I was come on purpose thither to seek an Opportunity to die at her Feet; that I forgave her Falshood, and loved her more than ever; and that I would run all Hazards to take her out of that Slavery to which her Father's Avarice, and her own Imprudence had subjected her, in case she was willing; that I could not live without a Sight of her; and in fine, that I conjured her by all our past Vows and mutual Endearments, to find some Means to let me see her; in order to which I informed her of the Place and Disguise I was in. I sent my Servant away with this Letter so soon as it was finished; he was acquainted with a Maid-Servant in the Family, and by that Means got Admittance into the Castle, where he lay all Night with one of the Men Servants, at the Maid's Desire; and by the Help of some Gold which I gave him for that Purpose, he so managed her, that she conveyed the Letter into her Lady's own Hand, as she waited on her at Supper in her Chamber, where she supped because she was indisposed, and the old Knight had the Gout, so that she could not leave him. She took an Opportunity to read it in her Closet, where, as she afterwards told me, she bathed it with her Tears: Her Conscience reproached her, and her Love revived, nay it was heightened by her Aversion to her Husband. She could not close her Eyes all Night, but passed the tedious Hours in debating with herself what to do; Love and Honour had a sharp Contest, but at last Love got the Victory, and she rose, and going to her Closet writ the following Lines, which I have ever since kept as a Treasure. Here he pulled the Letter out of his Bosom.
(pp. 90-4)
Searching "conque" and "heart" in HDIS (Prose Fiction); Found again searching "conque" and "passion"
At least 6 entries in the ESTC (1726, 1739, 1741, 1746, 1752).

Text from A Collection Of Entertaining Histories and Novels, Designed To promote the Cause of Virtue and Honour. Principally founded on Facts, and interspersed with a Variety of Beautiful and Instructive Incidents, 3 vols. (London: Printed for D. Midwinter, A. Bettesworth and C. Hitch, 1739). <Link to ESTC><Link to ECCO>

See also The Life and Adventures of the Lady Lucy, the Daughter of an Irish Lord, Who Marry'd a German Officer, and Was by Him Carry'd Into Flanders, Where He Became Jealous of Her and a Young Nobleman His Kinsman, Whom He Kill'd, and Afterwards Left Her Wounded and Big With Child in a Forest. Of the Strange Adventures That Befel Both Him and Her Afterwards, and the Wonderful Manner in Which They Met Again, After Living Eighteen Years Asunder. By Mrs. Aubin. (London: Printed for J. Darby, A. Bettesworth, F. Fayram, J. Pemberton, C. Rivington, J. Hooke, F. Clay, J. Batley, and E. Symon, 1726). <Link to ECCO>
Date of Entry

The Mind is a Metaphor is authored by Brad Pasanek, Assistant Professor of English, University of Virginia.